How to cultivate happiness that isn’t dependant on your circumstances
Imagine a state of contentment that is immune to life’s inevitable ups and downs. This concept has captivated human thought for centuries, as evidenced in ancient texts. Fast forward to today, and the quest for happiness remains at the forefront of our collective pursuits. But why does happiness seem so out of reach? I think the problem has to do with our definition of happiness and how we believe we will achieve it.
Defining Happiness: Ancient Wisdom
The Greeks had two notions of happiness: Hedonic, centered around pleasure and comfort, and Eudaimonic, based on living a life of virtue and meaning.
In modern times, we’ve skewed toward the Hedonic definition of happiness. We have conflated happiness with the absence of pain. This has created a significant paradox – despite unprecedented access to safety, nutrition, and resources, we still grapple with an elusive sense of happiness.
If “feeling good” in the moment is what we are pursuing, then we inevitably are relying on circumstances we find ourselves in to produce happiness. Happiness is therefore tied to external factors such as wealth, power, relationships, and success. While these things can bring temporary joy, they are not sustainable sources of lasting happiness.
In fact, research shows that after a certain threshold of wealth and material possessions, additional gains do not significantly increase happiness. This is because we quickly adjust to our new circumstances and end up wanting more, leading to a cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction and striving for more – this is called hedonic adaptation.
Additionally, relying on external factors for happiness puts us in a vulnerable position, as these circumstances can change at any moment. Losing a job, ending a relationship, or facing health issues can all greatly impact our sense of happiness.
The Happiness Trap
Hedonic definitions and pursuits of happiness lead to what is known as Experiential Avoidance. If we only equate happiness with feeling good, then by default, we become averse to any form of discomfort, always scanning for negatives needing resolution.
This perspective biases our brain against appreciating the good by focusing intensely on the not-so-good — a phenomenon that acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), pioneered by Steven Hayes, seeks to address.
Rather than experiencing happiness, this strategy for pursuing happiness leads to greater and greater sensitivity to stress, anxiety and pain (usually linked to circumstances and situations we do not like), ultimately decreasing our resilience and limiting our opportunities for experiences that matter.
In ACT, happiness becomes more readily available to us as we focus our behaviours and choices on pursuing what is meaningful and important to us and accepting that psychological, emotional, physical, and situational pain is an inevitable companion of life. This echoes the Buddha’s first noble truth.
Happiness is therefore not something attained through circumstances. Happiness is attained by choosing to behave in ways that reflect your highest purpose and values. I like to tell people who come to me for therapy, true happiness is the happiness that comes when we reflect on our greatest challenges and our easiest days and know that we acted according to our deepest values and authenticity. That kind of happiness can never be taken away from you.
Eudaimonic Happiness – Cultivating Inner Happiness
Inner sources of happiness refer to the mindset, attitudes, and practices that contribute to our overall sense of well-being and contentment. These include things like gratitude, self-acceptance, mindfulness, and purpose. Unlike external circumstances, these inner sources of happiness are within our control and can provide a more sustainable and fulfilling sense of happiness.
The Genetic Influence on Happiness
Neuroscience offers insights into the genetic underpinnings of happiness. Studies suggest that about 40% of our “happiness quotient” or “set-point” is hereditary. This stark statistic means that some of us are genetically predisposed to feel happier than others, regardless of our circumstances.
But there’s a silver lining — the remaining 60% of our wellbeing is influenced by non-genetic factors, providing ample room for cultivating a resilient sense of wellbeing.
Beyond Genetics – Shifting Set Points
Recent advances in positive psychology have begun to challenge and refine our understanding of the happiness set point theory. New findings suggest that life circumstances, especially those that align with our personal values and allow for a sense of accomplishment and purpose, can indeed have a more enduring impact on our happiness levels.
Engaging in activities that foster social connections, personal growth, and gratitude have been shown to effectively elevate and, more importantly, maintain higher levels of well-being. Thus, while our genetic predisposition plays a significant role in determining our baseline happiness, our actions and the context of our lives hold a substantial capacity to enhance our long-term happiness and satisfaction.
The insights from Harvard’s groundbreaking study on well-being is a great example of this. Known as one of the longest studies on adult life, it tracked the lives of individuals for 85 years, and revealed that those who fostered strong, supportive connections with family, friends, and their community were not only happier but also lived longer. These findings were true independent of positive or adverse life events experienced throughout the study.
Harnessing Eudaimonic Happiness & The Four Pillars of Wellbeing
There are a number of practices that have been studied that increase resilience and improve wellbeing leading to happier brains. The Center for Healthy Minds presents four pillars vital as foundations for a flourishing life:
- Awareness: Being present and cognizant reduces mind-wandering and enhances engagement with our current experiences.
- Connection: Nurturing positive relationships foster empathy and affection, serving as strong predictors of happiness.
- Insight: Understanding the narrative we construct about ourselves provides clarity and can diminish self-destructive patterns.
- Purpose: Having a sense of direction and meaning in life energizes and sustains us through challenges.
By focusing on these pillars, we move towards a Eudaimonic approach, decoupling our happiness from our fluctuating circumstances.
Rewiring our brains for greater Happiness
Neuroscientist Rick Hanson proposes that we can reshape our brains for lasting happiness through experience-dependent neuroplasticity. By frequently engaging in positive experiences and intentionally internalising them, we can effectively “rewire” our neural pathways.
- Positive Experiences: Active engagement in activities that promote joy, gratitude, and satisfaction.
- Mindful Attention: Savouring these moments increases their emotional and neurochemical impact.
- Consistency: Regular practice embeds these experiences into the brain’s neural circuitry.
For entrepreneurs and professionals, nurturing a disposition of eudaimonic joy amidst ambition and industriousness is essential. It turns happiness from a transient state into a skill — one that can be honed and improved upon, transforming how we live, work, and interact with the world.
By cultivating the right mindset and engaging with the world through the lens of Eudaimonia, we can find a happiness that transcends circumstance, one that is deeply rooted and enduring.
How does the concept of Hedonic happiness differ from Eudaimonic happiness?
