Strengthening Family Bonds in a Digital World
Ever put a crying toddler in front of a screen? It’s pretty much instant pacification!
While technology can offer quick fixes, its growing role in family life brings deep concerns. A US national poll in 2023 showed that parents’ top worries were overuse of devices, social media, and internet safety.
Managing tech-life balance is crucial not just for screen time but for learning, connection, and emotional health.
In this piece you will learn how digital tech affects younger people, and how you can support them in managing devices, and what benefits it can bring.
What impact can digital tech have on kids & adolescents?
Research on the effects of digital technology on children and adolescents points to both positive and negative aspects, and it is hard to draw any strict conclusions as there is a lack of long term studies.
On the positive side, digital learning tools, including apps and interactive platforms, can boost academic performance, especially in subjects like math and science, and can increase problem solving skills and critical thinking as well as collaboration and teamwork.
A study published by the Pew Research Center (2018) found that 81% of teens said social media helps them feel more connected to their friends and allows them to meet new people with similar interests. These platforms can also support those with social anxieties, giving them an opportunity to communicate in ways that feel safer. Digital tech can also have positive effects on global awareness and understanding, and be a good support for children with special needs. Some studies point out that moderate screen use can actually be beneficial for kids´development.
What gets the most attention though, are the potential negative effects. This can be a gloomy read, but it can be important to understand to be able to manage with the right strategies.
An obvious area is physical activity, where the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting screen time for children due to its association with sedentary behaviors and contribution to obesity. Excessive screen time can also result in eye strain, neck pain, and hearing issues.
Children and adolescents who use screens before bed often experience shorter sleep durations and lower sleep quality, largely due to the stimulating effects of blue light and the content they engage with. Not only does it make falling asleep harder, but I´ve had many parents tell me that their adolescents are online during the night.
Social media is heavily debated, and excessive use of these addictive platforms has been linked to significant mental health concerns, including increased anxiety, depression, loneliness, and exposure to harmful content. Adolescents who spend more time on screen-based activities are more likely to report these issues compared to peers who engage in non-screen activities like sports or face-to-face socializing.
Using devices to pacify young children can inhibit their ability to develop emotional regulation, as they miss opportunities to learn how to self-soothe without relying on screens.
High consumption of digital media could also be associated with shorter attention spans and lower classroom performance among children. The fast-paced nature of much digital content can interfere with the ability to focus on more demanding tasks.
Lastly, and perhaps paradoxically, while social media can facilitate online communication, it can also hinder the development of face-to-face social skills. One study found that children who had five days away from screens showed improvements in their ability to read nonverbal social cues as they were forced to pay more attention to the interactions. This is something that I, anecdotally, hear a lot, around children and adolescents who are uncomfortable talking in person or on the phone.
With these potential effects in mind, how can we help children and adolescents develop healthier tech habits?
How to Achieve Tech-Life Balance with kids and adolescents
Reflection
If you have read my previous Kokoro-pieces you know I believe that change starts with reflection. So before we go into practical tips on how to manage screen time & tech use, we will start with a reflection exercise. Consider these questions, preferably together with your child or adolescent:
- Which devices are we using at home? (both adults and kids)
- What do we like about our tech use? What positive experiences do we have?
- What negative consequences or effects do we notice? E.g. arguments, sleep, homework, connection in family
- What concerns do we have about tech use?
- How would we like to change tech use in the family? And how can we make family time as fun as possible with non-tech activities?
One way to reach everyone in the family can be that each person gets to talk about their own experience. As an adult you can also open by saying that you have reflected on your own tech use and its impact on yourself and the family.
If it feels right for you, you could even ask the child or adolescent how much screen time they themselves think is appropriate, and how they intend on keeping that limit.
When you have reflected and maybe even had the “tech talk”, you can consider these strategies:
5 simple practices towards tech-life balance
#1: Be a role model
How can you change your own digital habits? Lead by example e.g. by putting away your phone at home, making an effort to change your own tech habits, and engage in offline activities.
#2: Implement offline areas and times
As a minimum meal time and evenings after a certain time.
#3: Engage in both on, and off screen activities together
Instead of everyone being on their own device, why not have a good ol’ movie night. Or get them to show you the games they are playing. And make an effort in arranging activities that can compete with the screen.
#4: Talk about online safety
This is a super important topic for any age and should include e.g. limiting sharing personal information / images, being critical for fake content & frauds, online bullying and security.
#5: Follow screen time guidelines & age limits
This is also a good way of making someone else the scapegoat, simply referring to rules: follow the age limits on games, movies, screen time, social media platforms.
Many parents I talk to struggle with this, and it is indeed hard. But rest assured it can be done.
When managing tech use in families, generational differences—between ‘digital immigrants,’ who didn’t grow up with technology, and ‘digital natives,’ who have always been surrounded by it—can often lead to friction in setting boundaries.”
Bridging the tech-gap: Digital immigrants and natives
As a digital immigrant, I didn’t grow up with technology as a constant presence—it was something I learned to use later in life. This can lead to a preference for face-to-face conversations, focusing on one task at a time, and a more deliberate approach to using tech.
In contrast, digital natives have grown up with screens and devices as part of their daily lives. They switch between tasks effortlessly, are deeply engaged in social media, and seem to be “always connected.” This difference can create friction when setting boundaries or trying to balance screen time.
Understanding these differences can help you approach tech use with more empathy. Rather than seeing the divide as a challenge, it can be an opportunity to learn from each other. By combining the intentionality of digital immigrants with the fluency of digital natives, families can find a balance that works for everyone.
Have you noticed differences in how different generations approach tech use?
My own family situation
I´ve got three kids born in 2015, 2018 and 2024. We have a TV, they have an iPad, and both my wife and I have smartphones. With our first child it definitely happened that we used the screen as a pacifier. I remember one chaotic lunch on a holiday where we had to put a screen in front of him to get him to calm down and have some food. (now I reflect – did we really have to or was it another shortcut?). Along with my deep dive in this topic our screen time habits have changed a lot and during the last 5 or so years we have had a very minimalistic and intentional tech use in the family. For the two bigger kids it means that they get to watch TV and movies occasionally, often together with one of us. They have 4×15 min sessions of using their iPad per week, and often do so together. There is rarely any nagging or conflicts around screen usage.
The baby has no screen time whatsoever. All in all it feels like we use tech as a tool, or as entertainment, in a way that has a positive effect. The kids also love playing video games in their granddad’s Tesla, which has become a special bonding activity.
What does intentional and minimalistic tech use mean for adults then? We avoid using our phones in front of the kids, and when we do we always tell them what we are doing. We have no screens at the dinner table, or when interacting with the kids. It does happen that we need to take work calls, but then we talk about it and explain.
Many of the kids´ friends have their own phones, although the peer pressure has not become too intense yet. Some of their friends play Fortnight and Roblox, and some Pokémon Go, but as of now it has not become an issue. We try to find other ways of making things special, involving them, giving them responsibilities (for example, they go grocery shopping on their own and get to pick a special treat), and engage with them in board games, outdoor activities and other things they enjoy.
Who knows what the future will bring, and I know that handling teenagers tech use is a completely different thing, but I am hopeful that we can reach them through some of the strategies mentioned above, which I hope that you also have use for!
In the short term, it is harder parenting with low tech use, but in the long term we believe in the benefits for the family, and for the kids´ development.
By reflecting and making intentional choices, you can help your children develop healthy habits that support their growth and connection. The journey may take time, but the positive outcomes are well worth the effort.
Why not start today by having a family reflection session on your tech use and set one screen-free evening a week? Small changes can make a big difference in family dynamics and your children’s development.
If you’ve found these strategies useful or have your own experiences to share, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out at taino@tainobendz.com.
What are the demonstrated benefits of moderate screen use in children's development?
