You clicked on this article; chances are you had a breakup. Breakups are difficult, and they hurt like hell. Even if it’s only for a while, they make us think that this is the end of the world and we won’t be able to experience the happiness and contentment we once had in life.
If it isn’t your first time with a breakup, you’d know that this is not how it works. You might be feeling doomed at this moment, but this isn’t a permanent thing. Your friends and family aren’t lying when they say, ‘The best is yet to come.’
After the roller coaster ride of your emotions, when you get back to your sanity, you won’t be seeing the situation as you are seeing today. There are going to be a hundred different realizations and epiphanies that will bring new hope and perspective into your life.
Let’s dive deep into this topic and understand why you feel the way you feel and what you can do to navigate through it.
Why does a breakup hurt so bad?
Breakups can hurt as bad as losing someone to death. Scientists have provided sufficient evidence to support this claim, and we’re grateful to them for this. Imagine how tormenting it is to go through a breakup and not get the support and empathy of our people. Isn’t it the worst experience we can think of?
The general science behind breakups hurting so badly is that it triggers the feeling of loss, mourning, and anxiety within us that we feel when we lose someone in our lives. We tend to feel lonely, sad, and angry over it, and the pain multiplies when we don’t find the person around us to bring us ease.
Also, this is when we contemplate the future—thinking the worst possible thoughts. What if I don’t find anyone? Do I have to live like this forever? Am I good enough to hang on to a person in life?
Let’s see how to stop this chain of thoughts and deal with a breakup in a constructive manner.
How do I get over a breakup?
After a breakup, don’t shy away from feeling your emotions. No matter how difficult or bad they seem, don’t step back. The first and foremost step is to process how you feel. And folks! There’s no shortcut to it. When we get stuck in our minds and try to feel what seems right to us, this is where the misery goes deep. Allow your emotions to lead for a while, and you’ll notice that you’ve started moving on the route of healing.
Here’s what you must do to completely heal from a breakup and transform into a new being.
#1: Process Your Emotions
As discussed above, it is important to process your emotions immediately after a breakup. Do what makes you feel good. It could be going out for walks, talking to a friend, indulging in therapeutic activities, sleeping for long hours, and so on. When we do this, we give ourselves the required support and warmth after going through a traumatic experience in life. It causes our system to calm down and break our biggest misconception that everyone would leave us.
Stay by your side, and you’ll see your healing happening at lightning-fast speed (don’t fake it, though; be unconditionally present for yourself, and it will pull you out of your sorrow).
🎭 Activity
“Take a pen and a copy and journal your feelings and emotions. You may also set your intentions for the future.”
#2: Build a Support System
Just as we need a plaster to mend and support our broken bones, we need a support system of our friends and family to mend the emotional wounds that we get from a breakup. Try to surround yourself with friends and family members that understand your situation. It will help you come out of your negative chain of thoughts. Also, it will act as a motivation to find a new direction for yourself.
A study from the American Psychological Association found that social support plays a critical role in emotional recovery after a breakup. Individuals with strong support networks tend to recover more quickly and experience less emotional distress.
You may also seek professional help if that helps.
👉 Pro Tip
“Plan travel trips with your friends. When you explore a new place with your people, it will help you gain a new perspective on things and give you new hope in life.”
#3: Cultivate Self-love
When you start to gain a hold of yourself, don’t lose the opportunity to invest in yourself. After a breakup, your mind becomes a blank canvas and requires new directions. Don’t indulge in self-care in the form of distraction. Try to sink into the emotion of taking genuine care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. It will help you ease your pain & hurt and will help you instill a strong sense of self.
How well are you taking care of yourself? Let’s find out.
- Are you eating balanced meals?
- Yes
- No
- Are you taking time to exercise?
- Yes
- No
- Are you indulging in self-relaxation activities?
- Yes
- No
If most of your answers are ‘Yes,’ you are on the right path to recovery from the breakup.
Make sure you are getting enough sleep to calm your mental state after a breakup. If you are unable to find a way, you can start with a wellness journal. It comes along with prefilled sections that will bring forth contemplative questions for you to vent out your emotions on a piece of paper. Try it, and you’ll know that little exercises like these can help you ease your anxiety.
SHOP ON AMAZON#4: Build New Habits
Among the constructive ways to deal with a breakup is to build new habits. You can start to do things that you’ve always wanted to do, whether it’s waking up early to go for a jog or joining the swimming classes that have always been on your mind.
However, a breakup is a time when you can easily fall prey to destructive habits like alcoholism. Avoid falling into the pitfalls of destructive habits; instead, take sufficient time for your body, mind, and soul to heal from a breakup and find progressive ways.
Another important step is to resist behaviors that drag you back to your ex. Avoid dwelling on their thoughts, checking their social media, or reminiscing about memories that get you back to the breakup trauma. Along with taking progressive steps, it is equally crucial that you disconnect from your past.
👉 Pro Tip
You can start a new hobby or activity to channel your energy. Sign up for yoga sessions; they will help you attain emotional balance. An hour-long session on a yoga mat will heal your physical, mental, and emotional body all at once.
#5: Introspect
Last but not least, try to introspect on this entire episode. Here’s where you must bring your conscious awareness and logical thinking into the play. Try to contemplate the matters and find how you may have dealt with them differently. This is the best time when we can be 100% honest with ourselves. Reflect back on your behaviors and standards, and you will carve a new way based on your new understanding.
Ask yourself questions like,
Am I repeating a pattern?
Is there something constant that keeps happening to me every time?
Is my emotional response valid and justified in the given set of events?
Do I need to reset my standards in a relationship?
When you ask yourself such questions, you are putting yourself in the right mindset. You are neither being hard on yourself (which we often do after a breakup) nor trying to escape your responsibility. The only thing that matters is following it in the right sequence.
Quick Tips to Deal with a Breakup
- Try to follow a busy routine. The more busy you remain, the less time you are giving yourself to dwell on past thoughts and memories.
- Limit your social media contact. Scrolling people’s social media accounts will anyway increase your stress levels. When going from a sensitive phase of a breakup, try to avoid it altogether.
- Try to connect with yourself. Remaining busy with daily routines and chores seldom allows us to reflect on our true selves. When going through a breakup, utilize this time for self-discovery.
- Feel happy emotions. Try to remain happy consciously, and happiness will be cultivated as a habit. Make a conscious effort to stay in the happy zone, which will magically change your zone.
Conclusion
Breakups are unpleasant, but they give us the opportunity to have new beginnings. It might be difficult to understand this at first, but life never shies away from bringing us what we truly want. When going through tough times of breakup, remember to stay on your side and deal with patience and empathy. Don’t block your negative thoughts; instead, channel them to build new habits. Allow your emotions to take the normal course and take one day at a time. Follow the simple steps, and you will have a quick comeback from the feelings of loss and pain.
Remember: Whatever happens happens for a reason, and it’s always for our good.
FAQ’s
The thought of staying friends with your ex itself lingers in the hope of reuniting with your ex someday. When you and your ex have decided to part ways, it’s better to stick to your decision and choose ways that strengthen your path of moving on.
Yes. Experiencing feelings of anger, sadness, loneliness, and rejection is quite normal. Try to journal them from time to time and process them in constructive ways. Do not suppress them, and try to be present with yourself unconditionally.
There’s no fixed time to recover from a breakup. It’s a gradual process and depends upon how quickly you are able to get over the thoughts of despair and hopelessness. When you take a constructive route and build positive habits, it is likely that you will quickly get back to the place where you used to be before your breakup.
The simple answer to this is, ‘You’ll know’. Till the time you are asking this question, you are somewhere uncomfortable within you. As you naturally heal from the trauma of your breakup, you’ll naturally incline towards somebody at the right time without having to raise this query.
What scientific evidence supports the intense pain felt after a breakup?
