Introduction
You rush home, eager to show your report card to your parents, proud of securing 3rd rank in your class, only to find out your sister has stolen the spotlight by ranking 1st in hers.
Later in life, you land a job during college placement with a $60K salary, but the moment is overshadowed when you hear your best friend was offered $110K.
What do you call this sinking feeling, where you overlook your achievements and feel inadequate deep down? And why does it take over, even when you were proud of your accomplishments in the first place?
This happens when we compare ourselves with others without even realizing we are doing so. We get into the trap of comparing every aspect of our lives and tend to believe that we aren’t good enough to create the life that we want.
When we enter this mindset, we create blocks for ourselves. It is crucial that we question the root of this thought and find where it stems from.
To help you with this, we have prepared a step-by-step consolidated guide to provide you with actionable tips. Follow the article to find out how to reverse this mechanism, where you’ll learn to stand and cheer for yourself, no matter what.
So, let’s begin.
Why Do We Compare Ourselves with Others?
According to the Social Comparison Theory proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger, individuals derive their personal and social worth from comparisons.
By comparing ourselves to others, we define what is good, bad, likable, and less likable. Without a point of comparison, it would be nearly impossible for an individual to find themselves within a social context. So, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that comparing ourselves with others is a natural human tendency. However, it’s our responsibility to keep it in check so it doesn’t turn against us.
Releasing the Habit of Comparing Yourself with Others
If you are tired of falling into the constant trap of comparing yourself with others and want to get rid of it, follow the quick tips. It will walk you through the path to channel it to your advantage—becoming a better version of yourself.
#1: Acknowledge your ‘Wins’
It is vital that we celebrate our wins. No matter how small they are, giving them the importance they deserve is crucial.
When we get into the trap of making constant comparisons to others, we often miss paying attention to all that we have accomplished. We tend to slip into the internal analysis and usually undermine our achievements, thinking they don’t matter. But that’s never the case. Try to overcome this thought process and stand in your support. When you do this, you’ll see how slowly the internal dialog changes, and you’ve moved miles away from belittling yourself internally.
Reflective Exercise
Recall a time when you fell into the comparison trap and looked down on yourself, and consider how it affected your emotional state.
#2: Practice Gratitude
Maintain a sync with the frequency of gratitude. The more you remain thankful for the things you have, the fewer reasons you’ll be left with to feel the lack. You can start by journaling the good thoughts and blessings you have in life. Write about the positive instances, people’s contributions in your life, good acts you receive daily, and so on. On. By doing so, you shift your focus and uplift your energy—perpetuating the chain of constructive thoughts. If you find yourself in a doldrum and don’t know how to begin, start by journaling in the gratitude journal, where you’ll get the pre-filled sections. It’ll then be easier for you to write down your thoughts following the simple instructions.
SHOP ON AMAZON#3: Shift Your Focus
Among the powerful strategies to live beyond the comparison trap is to shift your focus to yourself. Whenever you catch yourself doing the comparison in your mind, stop for a while and consciously shift your focus and attention to your own life. How far you’ve come chasing your dreams and how effectively you are doing in your present to build a future of your choice is where you must bring your attention, and you’ll see you have changed the internal dialog in your favor. You’ll notice that you have initiated a chain of constructive thoughts in your mind, and it’ll boost your mood and overall happiness index.
What do you think becomes the driving force for you to fall into the comparison trap?
- Competitive Spirit
- Seeking Validation or Approval
- Insecurity
- Curiosity
Let the answer come to you without much contemplation. Try to remain non-judgemental, and you’ll discover an important aspect of your personality.
#4: Build a Supportive Environment
A study from the University of Michigan found that individuals with strong, supportive social networks were more resilient to the negative effects of comparison and experienced higher life satisfaction.
Make sure you surround yourself with the right kind of people. People who support you for who you are and not the ones who perpetuate a competitive environment. By choosing your company carefully, you are ensuring that you are fed with the right kind of manure.
In which category would you place your social circle?
a) Highly Supportive
b) Moderately Supportive
c) Slightly Supportive
d) Not Supportive
#5: Find an Alternative Source of Motivation
We often think that comparing ourselves to others will motivate and inspire us to take action and reach the same level. But this is seldom the case.
We get into the negative mindset, and reaping the positive out of the negative is next to impossible. This is where we need a steep shift in our strategy. We must work around finding constructive ways to motivate ourselves to reach bigger goals.
Ask yourself- How often have you really benefited from falling into the comparison trap?
It might bring you temporary success and achievements, but getting permanent gains from comparing yourself with others is a snowball’s chance in hell.
Keep in mind that when you compare yourself to others, you are relying on a distorted analysis—one where you undermine your self-worth and diminish your personal goals to create an illusion of perfection, which doesn’t exist anywhere except in your own mind.
#6: Compete With Yourself
If there’s one area where comparison can be constructive, it’s with yourself. Competing with your past self is the best way to channel the tendency to compare. When you do this, you reverse the scenario in your favor. You stand accountable for your actions without causing a dent in your self-esteem. Also, you feel motivated to try new things and push your limitations.
Start by writing down all your desires, goals, and achievements. When you put them on paper, you reinforce them with energy and focus. Reflect on how well you have been performing so far. Prepare an action plan for your future goals and list the achievements you’ve made along the way. This approach will help you gain better clarity and allow you to focus on yourself. Following this routine makes it less likely that you’ll engage in mental comparisons with others.
#7: Limit Your Social Media Consumption
When we scroll through our friends’ social media, we unknowingly fall into the practice of comparing our worst’ with their best.’ The entire thing happens in the background without leaving a subtle hint of how detrimental we are being to ourselves. To stop this, or at least limit this to a possible extent, create a fence around your social media consumption. Try to be as alert as possible and be accountable to yourself for how much time you invest in social media.
Install the apps that help you track your digital activity. Also, try to allot a specific quota to the screen time. It will help you remain occupied in your overall development—leaving a limited time frame for the comparative thoughts to breed in your mind.
Final Thoughts
Now that we know how detrimental it can be to place ourselves in comparison to others, take every possible step to maintain distance from it. Focus on building constructive habits. And even if you do catch yourself engaging in the harmful tendency of comparing yourself with others, make sure to take corrective measures from time to time to keep it in check. It’s always about steering your thoughts in the right direction. When you adopt healthy behaviors, you’ve already done half the work.
Remember the adage: “If you have won in your mind, half the battle is already won.”
FAQ’s
Well, it is a natural human tendency to compare yourself with others. However, it can cause serious self-worth issues if it goes beyond a point where you feel inadequate or start criticizing yourself.
Yes, when we use it to our advantage to set higher goals and get inspired by others. But when we cross a specific limit and start belittling ourselves based on how we stand against others in terms of our achievements and accomplishments, we step over to the detrimental side of the comparison.
Begin to notice how comparison is ruining your self-esteem. When we bring it into our conscious understanding, half the battle is already won. Afterward, we can take measures such as focusing on our progress, cultivating self-love, and surrounding ourselves with supportive people.
When we align ourselves with the frequency of gratitude, we shift our perspective from lack to abundance. It instantly pulls our minds from what we want to what we have, and we get lined up with high-frequency thoughts and actions.
Sources:
- The Jordan Harbinger Show: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People (Episode 22)
- Birmingham City Council: Understanding Why Comparing Yourself to Others Doesn’t Work
- Princeton University, NJ: Frequent Social Comparisons and Destructive Emotions and Behavior
- University of Pennsylvania, PA: Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes
- ResearchGate: Why do students tend to compare themselves with each other? The role of mattering and unconditional self-acceptance
Why does comparing ourselves to others feel like a natural human tendency?
