Have you ever caught your internal dialog saying, ‘ You can’t do it; there’s no chance in hell that you’ll get what you want?’ or, Don’t even dare to think about what you can never achieve in life.’
If the answer is yes and you could relate to these internal dialogues or hear similar voices in your head, chances are that, consciously or subconsciously, you have slipped into the self-sabotage pattern.
To understand it better, read this article to learn what self-sabotage is and how it impacts the quality of your life.
What is Self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is a passive behavior where we hold certain thoughts, beliefs, and patterns that prevent us from achieving what we want. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a conscious act. Sometimes, we may undermine our abilities and think we won’t be able to reach our goals. However, the reality is often quite the opposite. Due to ingrained beliefs and patterns, we are unable to progress as we desire. It’s crucial to bring this into our conscious awareness so we can make the necessary changes.
Let’s understand it with the help of an example:
Let’s talk about Emma, a marketing professional in an IT company. She demonstrated a work of excellence in her department, which made her management appreciate her hard work and propose her name to the head of marketing.
As she was entrusted with the role of marketing head, she started to doubt her skills and capabilities to lead a team. The thoughts of doubt, fear, and uncertainty were so prominent that they dominated her to the point of severity and influenced her actions. She began to procrastinate and avoid interacting with team members due to her anxiety and fear of failing in her duties.
The result?
Her name was dropped from the list of recommendations, and she was reverted to her previous position.
After carefully analyzing the example, we can easily conclude that this outcome wasn’t what Emma desired. It was her ingrained fears and insecurities that led her to these actions, which in turn changed her reality. Her thought process was so deeply rooted that it ultimately caused her harm.
To dissect it further, let’s move ahead to sections that discuss the signs of self-sabotage behaviors and how we can stop them from hampering our growth and success.
Why do we indulge in Self-sabotage behaviors?
The reason why we engage in self-sabotage behaviors is often rooted in fear, uncertainty, and self-doubt that usually pulls us back. When these insecurities go unchecked, and we blindly act upon them, we unconsciously start to work against our goals and desires. It often requires our attention and conscious awareness to reverse this cycle.
#1: Fear of Failure
When we presume in advance that we won’t be able to succeed in our endeavors, we start holding ourselves back. The root cause of such a thought process is fear, which makes us anticipate the negative outcomes of our actions.
#2: Cognitive Dissonance:
Cognitive dissonance is when our thoughts and patterns are not in alignment with our desires. We consciously undermine our efforts or take actions that go against our wishes and desires. It is generally the result of a belief of ‘not being good enough’ or fearing the changes it might bring.
#3: Uncertainty
When the fear of the unknown keeps us from taking action, we become the victims of self-sabotage behaviors. It generally occurs in the form of missed opportunities, where the fear of what might happen overshadows the possibilities of what might turn in our favor. The only aim at that time is to dodge the possibility of failure or disappointment.
#4: Low Self-Esteem
When we have low self-esteem, we very easily fall into the pitfalls of self-doubt, self-criticism, negative self-talk, and whatnot. This is a prime reason for us engaging in self-sabotage behaviors. Being victims of low self-esteem, we feel unworthy of any success and happiness and often belittle ourselves.
Signs that You Are Trapped in Self-sabotage Behaviors
If you want to take the lead in correcting your thoughts and patterns, see if these signs are present in your behavior.
#1: Negative Self-Talk
Did you often hear the negative talk playing in your head? If so, it’s a prominent sign that you are indulging in self-sabotaging behavior. We often follow the negative internal talk to the point where our actions get influenced. Without even realizing the need to question that voice in our head, we follow it blindly and think demeaning ourselves is the right thing to do.
#2: Perfectionism
If you catch yourself in the trap of doing everything following the ultimate perfection, you are chasing an illusion. Among a practice that we commonly find in self-sabotage behaviors is perfectionism. In this, we tend to set higher goals and expectations that are impossible to reach. And to escape the consequences, we either delay them for refinement or avoid them altogether.
#3: Procrastination
We often think delaying things or procrastinating is a sign of carelessness without realizing that it stems from self-sabotaging behavior, where we become hostages to our limiting thoughts and beliefs. It often occurs due to the fear of failure, where we delay matters and limit our chances of success. It further reinforces the feeling of guilt, shame, and anxiety—keeping us stuck in a loop.
#4: Escapism
When we unknowingly fall victim to self-sabotaging behaviors, we sometimes tend to escape our duties and responsibilities. It is important to understand that it doesn’t happen due to our conscious ‘will’ but a few limiting thoughts and patterns that block our sight. In escapism, we tend to slip into distractions and divert our mind and energy from the task, people, or situation that needs our focus and attention.
#5: Self-Isolation
There are instances when it is necessary to isolate yourself. But when you do it quite often, and it becomes your way of life where you limit your contact to the point of suffering, you are indulging in self-sabotaging behavior. It so happens that we sometimes withdraw ourselves from people due to fear of rejection or vulnerability. This restricts us from seeking outside help, advice, or encouragement of any form.
Ways to Stop Self-sabotage Behaviors
If the above signs are confirmed in your behavior, don’t lose hope. There are ways to reverse the self-sabotage behaviors. Follow the ways listed below, and you’ll see significant improvement in your conduct and attitude. Simply remain patient with yourself as you bring changes in your thoughts, and you’ll see patterns turning in your favor.
#1: Work on Self-Awareness
Among the primary steps to divert from this behavior is noticing your thoughts and becoming aware of them. For you to take effective measures, you must follow your thoughts and triggers that make you work against your will.
Pick the instances where you are not able to derive the desirable outcomes and consciously choose to contemplate them. Once you get a hold of the discrepancies in your thought process, you’ll be able to do what is needed and amend it in your favor.
Let’s say you want to get up early in the morning but fail to do so. Start by observing what is stopping you from waking up early. Is it because of sleeping late at night or a lack of motivation to wake up at your desired time? Say, for example, you noticed it is because you watch TV late, which makes it difficult for you to wake up early in the morning.
In this case, noticing and concluding that watching TV late is what’s stopping you from getting up early is your first win. Only by bringing such instances into your awareness can you move on to the next step of self-empowerment.
👉 ProTip:
Include the use of a singing bowl to deepen your mental state. It will help soothe your senses and elevate your mood so you feel at ease.
SHOP ON AMAZON#2: Change your Internal Dialog
When you change the dialogue from ‘No, you are not competent enough to get the job of your dreams‘ to ‘Try, and you can achieve anything you want, even the job of your dreams,’ you’ll reach a milestone in your self-empowerment journey.
Work on changing the internal dialog, and it’ll help you achieve anything and everything. Once you become aware of your thoughts and internal dialogs, the next step is to mold them into a positive and encouraging tone.
It doesn’t have to be a false pretense of being positive when you aren’t really confiding in yourself. You only have to stand by yourself and be truthful about the facts and situations.
For instance, Even if you are not able to meet your expectations, there’s no point in beating yourself up. You can always use encouraging affirmations like, ‘Get up and try again’ instead of saying, ‘ You can never get it done.’
#3: Set Small Targets
To build credibility in your own eyes, start by setting small targets. The reason you haven’t been able to trust yourself is that you have broken self-promises on many occasions. This has created a loop where you are unable to accomplish what you set out to do.
Change the notion by setting small targets or goals that are easy to achieve. Once you become consistent in achieving them, you’ll be able to turn the tide in your favor.
Say, for instance, you’ve been stuck in the spiral of promising yourself to quit smoking, only to fall back into the habit when your friends persuade you. Start by remaining firm in your decision at least three times in a row. By doing this, you reinforce the positive choice, and by the fourth time, it will be much easier for you to refuse to smoke.
The key takeaway here is to refuse the offer to smoke at least three times, which will allow you to make progress in your endeavor, as opposed to setting a one-time target of quitting smoking only to regret it and not moving forward at all.
#4: Be Kind to Yourself
Have you ever admired people for their ability to love themselves beyond imperfections and secretly wondered how they were doing it in the first place? Well, there’s no secret to it other than their ability to conquer limiting thoughts and beliefs about themselves.
Being kind to yourself is about turning inward and nurturing yourself. When you decide to take constructive steps toward changing your internal talk, it is important that you acknowledge your efforts and wins. Try to be easy on yourself and be warm, even if you are not able to meet your own expectations.
When you do this, you develop a loving bond with yourself and develop empathy and patience for yourself. Believe it or not, this little change would be a breakthrough in the journey of making yourself stand in your favor, and you’ll become your biggest supporter.
Conclusion
Breaking free from self-sabotaging behavior requires patience, persistence, and compassion towards yourself. If you are committed to overcoming self-harming behaviors, nothing can stop you from rewriting your story in golden letters. Stick to the practices of mindfulness, introspection, and resilience, and you’ll conquer over yourself. You just need to keep awareness along the way and be willing to accept and mold as the situation demands. Remember, with every foot forward, you are moving towards a fulfilling and empowered life.
What is self-sabotage and how can it affect one's life?
